it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
