but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
