There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
