Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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