She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
