awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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