My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
