Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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