Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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