No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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