did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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