You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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