smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
