Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
