Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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