Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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