Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
