just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
