suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
