i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
