I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
