You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
