Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize