I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
