So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
