HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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