Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
PANTIES FOUND
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