i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
