I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
