So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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