Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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