he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
