your parents love me but you hate me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
