he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
