Just cropdusted the office
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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