dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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