EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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