she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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