Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
