dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
