So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
