There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
