Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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