So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize