That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
