I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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