you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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