I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
