it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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