Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize