I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
