If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
