I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
