apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
