you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
