I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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