im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
