Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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