Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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