The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
