Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I understand Curling. That high.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
