final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
