The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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