I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
