I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
