it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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