first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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