Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
