No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
