doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize