He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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