Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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