new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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