At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
