My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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