feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
