I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
