my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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