I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
