discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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