That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
