if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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