So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
