I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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