she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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