I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
