Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
