I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
