theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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