Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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