i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
