Pappa wants mamma naked
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Come on in and take your pants off
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