i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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