I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
