I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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