i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
