Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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