On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
