im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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