the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
