I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
