awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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