If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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