Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
