So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
