ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
