This is not my ceiling
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
