If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
