I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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