It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
