i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
